The maid of honor just puked.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
