my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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