I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
