I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
