Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
