dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize