if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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