If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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