why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
