I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
