i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
