I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
