He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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