Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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