Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
