He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
