maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
