i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
