After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
