It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
