I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
