time to smoke my breakfast
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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