Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
