Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
