They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
