The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
