Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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