Plan B is the new Plan A
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
