i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
