I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
