Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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