I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
