Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
