Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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