Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
smell my finger.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
