I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
