remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
