the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
