I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
