Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
