he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
