Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
