So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
