guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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