Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
