i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
