i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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