you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nutella sex= disaster
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
