Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
