Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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