i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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