Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
