If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You're like the curious george of whores
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
