nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
