Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
