It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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