I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
