I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
