Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
