also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
