He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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