**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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