I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
