Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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