Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
