direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
