she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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