I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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