I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
