Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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