I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
