Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
