I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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