I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
