I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
